Support group, Doctor's appt. and L&D visit

A lot has gone on in the last week.  Last Tuesday night, my husband and I attended our first support group meeting.  It was a local chapter of ShareHope.  It was about a 45 minute drive for us, but I really wanted to try it out to see if it was something I would like to continue doing even without my husband.  He was so sweet to come with me, he didn't want me driving by myself.  We got there and Sam was the only guy there, but he was such a trooper! There were probably about 14 people there, I would say.  A few women shared their stories and feelings and we briefly discussed the holidays coming up.  I loved it.  It was so helpful for me.  Just being around women who 'get it'.  Some had multiple miscarriages, some lost a baby late term, one lost 2 babies, one lost her baby at 18 months old.  Everyone's story was very different, but our feelings and emotions were very much the same.  I think it was helpful for my husband to be there and hear the other women speak about these same emotions I've been talking about for months.  We got in the car and he said, "Those women are just like you. I had no idea that that's what everyone felt like."  I guess it helped him to understand, Wow. This is really how she feels.  She isn't a crazy lady.  (Well..she may be, but at least not the only crazy lady out there.)  I don't know how much longer I will be able to continue going because hopefully baby girl will be here in a couple months, but I will go as long as I can and hopefully catch back up later on. 

Friday morning we had a big doctor's appointment.  I had to do my glucose test and doctor did a growth scan on baby girl.  I was 28 weeks and she weighed 2lb 3oz.  We were expecting her to be bigger since Wiley was so big, but she's just petite right now. :)  Everything looked great and she's was finally head down.  (She has been breech for over a month)  Next week, we have our 4D ultrasound and a checkup and then in 2 weeks, I start going to the doctor 2x a week for NST. 

Ya know, this pregnancy has been very hard.  At the beginning I thought it was just going to drag on and be miserable waiting for her to get here.  But to be totally honest, it has gone by really fast for us.  Which I am SO thankful for.  I'll be 29 weeks in a few days.  I can't believe it.  From here on out, I'll be busy with multiple doctor's appointments, Thanksgiving, registering, maternity pictures, baby showers, decorating the nursery, Christmas and then it will be time for her!  I can't even express how ready I am to hold this sweet baby girl in my arms.  Each day, the ache gets stronger.  I daydream about that moment she is born and I first hear her cry.  A flood of emotions hit me every time I think about it.  She just has no idea how loved she is.  She has really saved my life.  But I know that moment she is born and we hold our ALIVE child in our arms,  there will also be moments of grief.  Moments we never got with Wiley.   I do think we will grieve for Wiley after she's born and I think that's okay.  I know she'll be here to help us through that.  I just want to bring her home so bad. 

After our appointment Friday, we needed to go pre-register in Labor and Delivery.  We have not been in Labor and Delivery since I made that terrible wheelchair stroll out those doors with empty arms.  Our grievance counselor, thankfully, met us there.  We walked up and got our paper work and went straight to her office.  That wasn't too bad.  We filled it out and talked with her for awhile.  Then, we were about to leave and she asked if we would like to go in the room Wiley was born in.  I said no, thinking my husband probably didn't want to, but Sam said yes.  So we walked down to the room.  We walked in and it was exactly like I remembered it.  Tears filled my eyes.  Happy tears and sad tears.  The rocking chair was sitting in the exact place it was when I rocked Wiley.  All the furniture was the same.  It was sad, obviously, because it should have been so different.   But a part of me felt peace, too.  This room was the only place I ever held my sweet boy.  The only place I ever touched him and looked at him.  We didn't stay long.  Just enough time to walk in, take it all in and walk out.  She immediately took us to a few other rooms and showed us how different the layouts were.  That was nice, because those other rooms didn't give me anxiety.  It was good for us to go up and visit.  I wanted to be as ready as I could be for when Sister does make her appearance and I have to face it, ready or not. 

Hopefully soon we will be able to annouce Sister's name.  I just want it to be perfect for her.  Hope everyone has a wonderful week!



Mommy misses and loves you, sweet boy.