Yesterday the tent was up.
In the baby section.
The tent at the cemetery that means they are about to have a funeral. My heart stings every time.
One of my friends told me who it was. I know the mom, not well, but know of her. She was pregnant with twin girls and lost both of them. My heart has been heavy for her ever since I heard. Burying two babies at once? Burying a baby at all is just not right and not fair.
My husband and I went over before the funeral to straighten up Wiley's things and the other babies' stuff. Surprisingly, it was all nice. (Sometimes everything is everywhere after they weed eat.)
Last night, after the funeral I wanted to stop by the cemetery again to see their names and they were there, the parents.
We kept driving, but I remember after Wiley's funeral going back to the cemetery later that day after it was all said and done. I remember what I felt like that day. I remember trying to act okay to make everyone else feel comfortable. I remember going back later to really express how I felt. I remember on that day, feeling so hopeless. Like my dreams were completely shattered and would never come true. I remember just wanting to be in Heaven with Wiley. I didn't care about Earth life anymore. I was ready for the Lord to call me Home too. I remember how much my arms ached to hold him. I remember when I went back later that day, I wanted to dig up his grave and just hold him.
And here we are 8 1/2 months later, I still feel these things sometimes.
When I saw her yesterday, I wanted to jump out and hug her and tell her she isn't alone. I would have loved to tell her that it gets easier from there, but that just wouldn't be the truth. The death, holding and seeing your baby, the funeral...it all happens so unexpectedly and so fast that you don't have time to really grieve. For me, it all came in the weeks and months to follow.
I wish no parents had to go through that. Not us. Not them. Not you. Not anyone who has. Not anyone that will in the future.
Please remember this family in your thoughts and prayers.
Amy I will most definitely remember these hurting parents in my prayers. It is a feeling all too familiar for all of us, one I won't ever forget, visiting the cemetery after Jake's funeral. Things were so hard for so long, and by no means are any better. Thinking of these poor parents almost brings me to tears. Big hugs for you and air hugs for the parents of Wiley and Jake's new friends in Heaven <3.
ReplyDeleteAmazing post Amy. One that thankfully only a few in this world will ever have to relate to. Did you go up to her? I was wondering, in my heart I know that I too would be so nervous but as that Mom so grateful to know that you saw her from afar and understood in your heart. xo xo
ReplyDeleteThank you. :) I did not go up to her, we just kept driving on. I wanted to, but didn't want to overwhelm her that early on, ya know? Maybe I'll see her another time.
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