Capture Your Grief Day 6: What Not to Say

I could make a long list of What Not to Say. I realize most people are just trying to make you feel better, but sometimes their words can make a grieving mother hurt worse. Don't try to come up with some phrase to try and make us feel better. Just be real. It's okay to say, 'I don't know what to say.'

These are a few phrases that were said to me that I didn't like.

• "You're young. You'll have other children." A lady said this to me at Wiley's funeral. I felt as if she was dismissing the loss of my child and saying he could easily be replaced. This was my child, my first baby, my son, a person, Wiley Boyce Phifer. No one will ever replace him.
• "Time will heal." I don't know who came up with the saying 'Time heals all wounds," but it wasn't a grieving parent. Time doesn't heal or make it better. Do you learn to live with it? Yes, eventually. Do you find joy in other things? Sure. But nothing will ever completely heal that hole that is left in my heart.
• "It will get better." I realize that this may be true, but unless you've lost a child, how do you know?
• "God has a plan." I know God has a plan. It just wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time. I wanted my son with me.
• "Maybe something was wrong with him." This one I hate. So what if something was wrong with him? I would have loved and cared for him the same. I would much rather have him with me. But by the way- he died from a cord accident, nothing was wrong with him. He was perfect.