Seven months

Seven months.  Another month has come and gone.  I'm still here and my baby is still not.  Sometimes my grief hits me so hard that I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next minute and here I've made it through seven months without my sweet boy.  Sometimes it feels like the more time moves on, the further and further away he is.  But I have to remind myself, it is the opposite.  The more time moves on, the closer I am to Heaven. I honestly do not know where I would be without my salvation or if I didn't believe in Heaven and I didn't know in my heart that Wiley is there waiting on me.  The thought of being with him again is the only thing that wakes me up every morning.

I have my ups and downs.  The past week or two have been a down.  It's really hard to balance the emotions of preparing for this beautiful little blessing growing inside me while still grieving the child I lost seven months ago. 

I miss him. 

As I sit here alone with absolute silence in my house, I am constantly reminded that I shouldn't be alone right now.  I shouldn't be bored and lonely all the time.  I should be distracted 24/7 by my sweet baby boy.  I would be busy being a stay at home mom and spending every second with him. Or maybe I would have gotten a job in August and be a teacher.  I would hurry and pick him up every day when I got off work because I just missed him so much. 

But that's not the life I have or was given.   If it was, I wouldn't be sitting here feeling Baby Girl kick and move.  AHH...hard mix of emotions I tell ya!



Happy 7 month Heavenly birthday, sweet boy! I miss you more and more every day.  I know you are not short on hugs and kisses in Heaven, but Mommy sends them to you anyway.  I love you.