Baby girl

So it's been over a week now that we found out we are having a baby girl.  I wanted to wait a bit before I posted because I didn't want to say the wrong thing that would make baby girl think she wasn't wanted.  Because SHE IS:) 

I'm not going to lie, my husband has always wanted a boy. With both babies, he just 'knew' they were boys and wouldn't even talk about a girl.  I think because his dad isn't here, that was his way of carrying on those traditions with a boy.  I didn't care either way with Wiley, but after we found out he was a boy, we were both so excited! I began dreaming about my little momma's boy and snuggles with my little man.  My husband began dreaming about his little helper, his farm boy, his tractor riding buddy.  He wanted so bad to have someone to live out his memories of him and his dad.  When we lost Wiley, we lost all those dreams with him. 

With this baby, we really thought we were having a boy and secretly wanted another one. Some people want the other gender after a loss, we thought we wanted the same.  I guess in our crazy, grieving minds, having another boy would at least put our dreams with a boy back in place.  But in reality, those dreams we had were with Wiley, not any other little boy.  After doctor told us we were having a baby girl, we didn't really say much. We needed a little time to let it soak in. As we were walking out to our car, tears were falling from my eyes. It had nothing to do with I was disappointed in having a girl. It really had nothing to do with having a girl. It was more of I missed Wiley and we really had to let go of all those dreams we had for him.  That's the sucky part.  You lose Everything when you lose your baby.  You not only lose your newborn baby.  You lose that toddler, that dirty little 4 year boy, that Kindergartener, that teenager, that high school graduate, all hopes and dreams and any future with them.

We know God had a plan in giving us a baby girl.  Maybe we would have tried to compare a little boy to Wiley too much.  Since we got pregnant so soon after our loss, I think it would be hard to separate two boys so close together.  I don't know.  Whatever the reason, we are happy and glad that we are having a baby girl.  We know that we will have new dreams.  Dreams with a girl!  She is already so loved!  Her closet is already full of clothes.  (Because let's face it, buying for a girl is too much fun)  We are getting ideas on what we are going to do for her nursery.  Baby girl does not have a name yet.  We are working on it, but girl names are so much harder for us.  We like a lot of names, just haven't found the perfect two to put together yet.  Hopefully soon!  Everyone keeps asking.  :) 

I was 19 weeks pregnant yesterday.  As far as we know, she is doing great.  Can't lie and say that I believe that yet, but we don't have a reason not to.  All her testing for down symdrome and other things came back normal.  We have an ultrasound the next 3 weeks in a row!  Next week we go in for our normal check up ultrasound and the next week we are seeing a ultrasound specialist.  We will be traveling to another hospital and they will do a high level ultrasound and just check out every little thing about her.  Praying everything goes great with that too.  Then the week after that, we go back to our normal doctor for another check up.  Have I mentioned how much we LOVE our doctor?!?  He is seeing us every 2 weeks.  In 8 weeks, we will start going in twice a week for heartbeat monitoring until baby girl arrives.  We couldn't have asked for a better doctor to take care of our babies!

That's all for now.  Thank you all for your always sweet and encouraging comments!



Miss you more than you will ever know, sweet boy.  One day- me, you, Sister and Daddy will all be together. That's the only thing that keeps Mommy going.  Love you.