It's a.........

This week I have been worried.  Worried about our baby.  I don't know why really.  I have started feeling little pokes and kicks here and there, which I thought would help me, but I'm afraid it is going to send me into a crazy lady mode when I don't feel the kicks. 

Yesterday was my appointment to find out what the gender is.  My appointment wasn't until 2:10 and Sam was off work so we piddled around the house until time to get ready.  While getting ready, I went ahead and checked the heartbeat with my monitor.  Sam said, "Why are you doing that? We are about to go to the doctor."  Well....um duh.  I'm doing it so it won't be such a shock if the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but..."

Isn't that sad?  That in the back of my mind every single time, I know there is a chance they will say that my baby is dead.  UGH! Why can't I be a normal pregnant girl who never checks the heartbeat and just goes to normal appointments and doesn't expect anything less than an alive baby.

So while I was checking the heartbeat, the baby was moving around a lot and kicking.  I was feeling them and you could hear on the monitor when the baby moved.  I was picking up a good heartbeat of around 150 and I just kept my hand very still and listened.  Not a better sound.  Until I hear baby cry, of course:)  So I'm listening and all of a sudden the heartbeat goes from...badump, badump, badump, badump to ...................badump............................badump....................badump.  It dropped into the 80s and was barely pumping.  (So it sounded like to me)  I FREAKED.   I know what I heard.  It wasn't my heartbeat.  I immediately started crying and literally thought my baby was dying right before my eyes.  I couldn't even listen any longer so I ran and got Sam and told him something was wrong with the baby.  We checked it again and the heart rate was back up.  But I was convinced that 1. the baby was dying. 2. the baby had something wrong with it's heart that would eventually be fatal.  I was crying to Sam and I told him, "I can't do this again, I just can't.  I don't have it in me."  We hurried and got ready and went to the hospital.  We were about an hour early for our appointment and I was trying to calm down so we went and talked to our counselor.  She told us that drops in heart rates early on can be normal so I started calming down.  We went to our doctor's appointment and I told our doctor about it and he said he wasn't worried about it at this point in pregnancy.  He did say he would want to know about it if it happened later. 

So I calmed down completely and doctor started in on ultrasound.  Baby was measuring perfectly.  He checked all organs and insides and everything looked great.  After he got done with that he said, "I know what it is, but I'm trying to find a good picture."  Baby was being a little like last time with legs together.  He said, "Okay, you just want me to tell you?" We said sure. Then he said, "I hope you like pink!"  So we are having a baby girl!  My husband was in a bit of denial so that's why he was trying to find a good picture to show him. 

I was going to write about our thoughts on a baby girl, how we felt after we found out and how much we missed Wiley yesterday, but I guess I'll save that for my next post because this is already long. 

We are so grateful to God that this baby girl is healthy and alive. We just love her so much already!

 

 

You're having a baby sister, which I'm sure you already knew. Wish you were here to share these moments with us. Mommy loves and misses you SO much, sweet boy.