Catching up

Hello friends.  Lots of updates.  We have been at the beach since Father's day so I've been a little MIA. Sunday, I had wrote a long Father's day post, but never published it so I'll start from there. 

I think my husband had a pretty peaceful Father's day? Not like he would tell me if he didn't.  Sunday was also Wiley's 4 month birthday in Heaven.  I can tell my husband likes to be acknowledge as a daddy.  My husband's dad was killed in a car accident when Sam was 8 years old.  He cherishs his memories with his dad so much and I can tell he is just like him.  I can't imagine what Father's day would be like without your dad or your son, but without both?  So I really prayed for him that day.  He is such a good man and he so deserved it.  When he woke up I gave him a card and a little gift.  He said, "I wonder if anyone will remember."  I felt so bad and hoped people wouldn't be afraid and actually acknowledge him.  Several of my friends and family texted him and wished him a good day.  With each one he smiled and I could tell it made him feel good.  But I don't think he heard from any of his friends and I think that kinda bothered him.  This whole day we were making the long trip to Florida for our 'family vacation' (the one that our whole family wouldn't be at).  We met Sam's family there and I kept thinking when are they going to say anything about Father's day?!?!?  That night, his sister finally came up and told him happy father's day.  I didn't hear anyone else though.  I hope all of your husbands had a peaceful day!

The rest of the week we were at the beach.  We had a nice time with his family and my husband really enjoyed spending time with them and getting away from work.  He really needed that.  But for me, the beach vacation was the vacation we had been planning on for a year and planning on bringing our little 2 month old.  It was just a huge reminder of Wiley not being there.  So I struggled all week, especially the first few days. 

Another reason I really struggled this week was I have been having a few panic attacks that something is wrong with our rainbow baby.  I've just been so paranoid that something is going to happen.  I called the doctor to see if we came home early, if they squeeze me in at the end of the week.  I'm sure if the lady at the front desk had actually asked my doctor he would have said yes, but they didn't get me in.  I got off the phone and bawled.  It all eased up throughout the trip and I'm feeling okay right now, but that could change tomorrow.  We go to the doctor Wednesday, just 4 more days.  Hoping and praying with all that I have that everything is okay and we see baby's heartbeat again. 

We left to come home yesterday.  Everyone else was staying a full week, but we came home early because we are doing a Race to Remember 5k tonight!  I'm so excited about it!  Okay so, I posted before about the plate that I got with Wiley's footprints on it and the organization provided it and painted it for us. Well, this same organization is putting on this first annual Race to Remember.  It was all started by a mom who lost her little girl, Mamie. (http://www.adamsfamilylr.blogspot.com/)  And it has blown up to something I'm sure she never imagined.  There are already over 1,000 people registered for the race tonight.  Which is a lot of people for a first time race where I'm from.  All of these people are walking or running in memory of a baby!  Lots of people are doing it for babies they miscarried or lost through stillbirth or infant loss.  People are creating teams and getting shirts made.  I love it.  Going to let the world know today that THIS happens, all around us. Can't wait to post pictures for you guys! 

Since I haven't been on since last Saturday, I have a lot of catching up to do on all of your blogs.  But I will tomorrow!


Mommy loves you, Wiley.  Love you too, Rainbow.

Our Team Wiley shirts for the race!

Back of shirts! Those are his actual footprints, actual size!

Found this on our way home yesterday! Made my day.