Wiley's Mommy

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post.  I was a little depressed when I wrote it.  Reading your words and knowing I'm not alone or crazy comforts me. Even though we are in these awful situations, I'm so thankful to have found people to relate to and that understand me. 

I have had a few better days since.  I got up Friday and cleaned my whole house and did the laundry.  It felt good to get something done.  My husband and I, along with my family, went on a weekend vacation.  We rented a house to stay in and went to the theme park and just spent time together.  It was a very nice time and I'm glad we went.  I even rode a few little roller coasters. My family has been so amazing and supportive.  I don't know what I would do without them.  It's so nice that we can talk about Wiley.  I don't ever want it to be an uncomfortable conversation.  I love to talk about him.  I wish more people would talk about Wiley with me. 

When we got home yesterday, I had some time to work on my blog.  I am so terrible at figuring out this blog stuff, but I'm getting there.  Thanks to Tesha for helping me.  She told me about photobucket and I went from there.  I didn't even know about photobucket, haha. 

I have been feeling more at peace lately.  Thanks to God for giving me that.  I still have really, really hard moments and days.  But I think I'm finally coming to the realization that Wiley is not coming back.  For a while, I still felt like I was in a dream (and sometimes still do).  I thought this can't be real.  I was in shock and maybe denial.  When we first came home from the hospital, I kept thinking I need to be pregnant again.  But really, in my mind, I was wanting to be pregnant with Wiley again.  I was wanting to bring Wiley home at the end.  It's weird, but that is really what I was hoping for by being pregnant again.  I am coming to terms with when we do decide to try again, that it will not be Wiley.  It will be a precious, new baby.  A baby we will love unconditionally, like we do Wiley.  But it will not be Wiley.  I so wish he was here right now though.  I miss him so incredibly much. 

One day closer, sweet boy.



Here are a few random pictures that I've been meaning to post.

My sister had this necklace made for me after the funeral.  It has a cross and Wiley's birthstone.  I wear it every day.

Rose blooming from Wiley's rosebush.  Purple:)

Picture of the spray on his casket.  My parents had this made. Can you tell Wiley and his daddy love John Deere tractors?

Picture from our farm.

Two full rainbows after the storms a few weeks ago.  I needed to be reminded of God's promises. :)