Due Date

So yesterday was Wiley's due date.  The day we had been counting down to.  Definitely not the wonderful day we thought it would be.

Thursday, the day before Wiley's due date, was actually worse than his due date. I guess I was so nervous and anxious about it.  I did not get out of bed all day except to go to the cemetery.  When I got back home, I crawled back in bed until bedtime.  I didn't eat at all that day either. 

Friday, his due date, I intended on staying in bed all day again.  I just wanted to sulk all day, not think about anything other than my baby.  My husband, thank goodness, took off of work to be with me yesterday.  He is not the sit in the house and do nothing kind.  Yesterday morning he woke me up and told me we had to go drop my car off to get oil changed and I needed to get up.  I said that I think I'm just going to stay here today.  He then told me Wiley wouldn't want us to be doing this.  He wouldn't want his mommy to be crying all day. 

So anyway, whether I wanted to or not, I got up and we did that and I had really needed to take this plate with Wiley's footprints on it to this studio.  This organziation here is amazing.  This mom of a stillborn started it and they give ceramic plates to hospitals and they put footprints on them.  Then they will paint them and decorate with baby's name and stats.  Really cute. 

Anyway, we drove to take the plate and drop it off.  That was for Wiley so it made me feel good to finally go drop it off.  Then, my husband wanted some lunch so we went to Chili's and ate. 
When we got home, I spent some time by myself in Wiley's room.  I looked at his clothes and stuff. 
Then, I sat on the rug in front of his crib and look at his pictures.  We also went to the cemetery and sat down and spent some time there.

Last night, my whole family came over to my house and visited and brought dinner.  It was kind of nice.  Kind of like we were getting together for Wiley on his 'should-have-been birthday.'  My allergies were going crazy so I took some Benadryl and I was out a little while later.  While everyone was there, I was asleep on the couch. 

So due date wasn't what I had expected.  It was bad, don't get me wrong.  Wiley didn't leave my mind for a second.  But I had expected on laying in bed all day and not seeing the light of the day.  If my husband wasn't home, I definitely would have. 

So this morning, Saturday, I kind of feel like my new life has started over again.  Yesterday Wiley was supposed to be here and today he is not.  He was really supposed to be in my tummy until yesterday.  We should have a little newborn crying in our home or bringing him home.  But my house is completely silent.  The silence sometimes is so loud.  It just screams Wiley is not here.  I should be be feeding and changing diapers.  Kissing my little man, holding, snuggling, loving on him.  I should be up all night for a different reason.