When you have a baby, everyone wants to see them and see pictures. They talk about how cute they are, how big they were and who they look like.
But it’s not really the same when you have a stillbirth. Would it be considered ‘weird’ if I show people pictures of my baby?
It's not weird for me.
Wiley is my baby and to me, he looks just like anyone else’s baby physically. It isn’t fair that everyone else gets to brag on their baby and what they looked like, but I’m expected to keep quiet. Does no one want to know what my baby looked like? Who my baby looked like? I guess some people assume that he looked different. But to me, Wiley looked absolutely Perfect.
So I’m going to brag on my baby.
Before I delivered Wiley, we knew he wouldn’t be crying when he came out. We knew he wouldn’t open his eyes. I can’t even explain the sadness, the pain, the heartache I had to go through to deliver him while knowing that. I wasn’t ready for delivery because I knew I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore and I knew the faster it happened, the sooner it would end and we would have to go home. BUT …I knew I would still get to see my sweet baby and see what he looked like and who he looked like. I knew I would get hold him and kiss him. Before he was delivered, I remember asking the nurse kind of what to expect. She told us that since he was such a little preemie, he would probably be long and very skinny.
Wiley was 4 lb 15 oz. He was 19 in long at 32 weeks. He is my little big guy! He was long, but he wasn’t really skinny. He had meat on his bones. He had big cheeks, obviously from me. Wiley had his daddy’s nose. My husband, his dad, his sisters and now Wiley, all have the same nose. His ears were just perfect. Everyone said he had my mouth and lips. His little hands were so adorable, just like my husband's. They were kinda short and stubby. He had very long fingernail beds. His feet were so big and long, so were his toes and toenails! The bottoms of his feet when he got here were so smooth and perfect. His pinkie toe was completely turned the side! My husband's is like that and so is my brother’s. He had hair all over him, everywhere. He had long eyelashes and his back was so hairy, my hairy little monkey! He had a head full of hair. It was brown and very kinky, wavy, curly. I still can’t believe how crazy his hair was!
If I close my eyes and concentrate real hard, I can still feel what it was like to kiss his sweet, soft, smooth skin. When I look at his pictures or think about what he looked like or talk about him, I smile. For those moments, I’m smiling because I’m proud. I want to brag on him and what he looked like. I Love to talk about him. That’s my baby.
No comments:
Post a Comment