one more day

Throughout my pregnancy with Wiley, I was so anxious to meet him.  I would always being counting down the days until my next doctor's appt. Waiting another 4 weeks would kill me! I wanted time to fly by just so I could hear his heartbeat or see him on the ultrasound screen.  I wanted time to fly by so I could hold my sweet baby boy.


When we got to January, I had about 3 months of pregnancy left.  I sat down one day with a stack of post it notes and made a count down to our due date. I put this countdown on our fridge and every day I would take one off.  It got to where it would not stick anymore so I would just sit it on top of a magnet.  Everytime you opened the freezer, it would fall in the floor.


I started at like 90 something days.  90 days seemed like an eternity!  My husband's grandma would ask us everytime we saw her, "How many days?" and I knew it right off the top of my head, every day.  Then we were at 80 something days, then 70 something days, then 60 something days.  I was like this is going by pretty fast, but not fast enough.


Little did I know that on February 16 at 57 days, that would be the last time I tore a post it note off.


57 days.


I couldn't have just made it 57 more days. Or even 36 days.


Why did I rush time like I did? Instead of counting down every day, I should have just been enjoying being pregnant one more day.  I should have been taking it all in, every day, every hour, every minute.  I should have rubbed my belly more, talked to Wiley more, sang to him more.  Even though I did that stuff all the time, what if I just had One more time to do it.


Instead of saying, "We STILL have 64 days!"  I should having been saying, "Thank you Lord for another day, another day of being pregnant with Wiley."


I would give anything to have one more day with Wiley.  One more day being pregnant with him.  One more day holding him in the hospital.  Just one more day. 


Time flies by anyway, I don't know why I was rushing it so much.  Yes, I do.  It's because I was so excited to meet Wiley, I couldn't hardly stand it.  I couldn't wait for him to be here. I wanted to hold him and love on him.


If I knew then what I know now, I would have thrown that countdown in the trash.  Because that's not how life works.  You don't know if you will get another 57 days or even 1 more day. 


One day (I'm not there yet, but hopefully I will be), I will not take life for granted, as I did before.  I will soak in every second of every day.  I will be grateful for another day of life, another day with my husband.  I will be wanting time to slow down so I can enjoy it.  I hope and pray that we have more children and if we do, I will be thankful for every single day of pregnancy, thankful for morning sickness, thankful for back pain, and everything else that goes along with it. There will be no more countdowns. 


I will enjoy the day I'm in, because you just never know what tomorrow may bring.