Here is my story

Ever since I can remember, my dream was to become a wife and mom.  At 20, when I least expected it, I met my wonderful husband.   As soon as we met, we pretty much knew we were meant for each other.  We were engaged 4 months later and married 5 months after that in August. After we got married, my desire to have children grew.  Because of college, insurance, building a house, etc. We decided it was best to wait at least a little while to start having children.  Even though I knew it was best to wait, the desire did not go away.  For months after we got married, I would lie in bed at night and cry because I wanted to have a baby.  The first 9 months of marriage were hard for me to be patient and know that God would show us the right time.  In May, I graduated college with a degree in early childhood education.  That month, we had a long talk and decided that we were ready.  We got pregnant 2 months later.  The day I took the pregnancy test and it was positive, I was absolutely ecstatic.  The very first thing I did was cry and thank God for this incredible blessing is was giving us.  My hubby was just as excited! We found out we were due April 13, 2012.  My pregnancy, for the most part, was amazing.  I had morning sickness for about 2 weeks and back pain towards the end, but other than that, it wasn’t too bad.  I was completely healthy and so was our baby Wiley.  We were so excited to find out we were having a baby boy.  It was really special for my husband because his dad passed away when he was 8 years old.  I know he has many memories with his dad and things they did together that he really cherishes.  He immediately thought about carrying on those traditions with Wiley.  As I started feeling Wiley in my belly, it became so much more real.  That was the absolute best feeling in the world.  We would lay on the couch or bed and just talk to him, feel him, and watch my belly move up and down and all around!  I loved that my belly was getting bigger and bigger.  Like all moms, I felt such a connection with my little man that no one else could know.  As I was getting further along, my mom and I had so much fun planning and decorating his nursery.  Wiley began to have quite a collection of clothes and stuff! Even though I should have waited until my baby shower for things, I just could not help myself! On Wednesday, February 15, almost 32 weeks pregnant, we finished the last touches of Wiley’s nursery.  We had the bed, bedding, curtains, decorations, shelf, rocker, rug, pictures hung, and his name on the wall above his crib. It was finally done and looked perfect! His nursery colors were green and brown with tractor accents. That night after we had finished, Wiley was kicking up a storm! I had never felt him that active and I actually got it on video for the first time.  This was the day before our world turned completely upside down.

Maybe in other posts I will explain further, but it is very hard to relive that next day.  Long story short, I did not feel Wiley the next day, I went in and they couldn’t find his heartbeat.  They started inducing me and after 28 hours of labor, my sweet baby boy, Wiley, was born on February 17, 2012 at 9:00 pm.  He was a stillborn baby because of a cord accident.  He was 4 lb 15 oz and 19 in long at exactly 32 weeks pregnant. We got to spend that whole night and next day with him, holding him and rocking him.  Best and worst moments of my life.

I know that as soon as my baby died, he went straight to Heaven.  I know he is in the arms of Jesus and we WILL see and hold him again one day. That is the Only thing that gives me hope and keeps me going.