Frustrations

Some people frustrate me. I guess it is just a stage of grief to be angry. I am normally not like this. I feel irritable. Anything can get on my nerves.

People mean well, they really do. But because of the state I’m in, I take words very literal. I’ve had things said to me that make me sad or make me frustrated. No one really means what I hear. Most people don’t know what to say, I wouldn’t either.

“How are you?” Obviously, this is the standard question people ask. I know people say it because they care enough to want to know how you’re holding up. So, is this one of those questions that I just say fine, okay, or alright and move on Or do you really want to know how I am? Sometimes when I actually go into detail about how am I, people shut down on me. I can tell they were just expecting or wanting me to say, “Fine.”

“You will have other children.” That or forms of that statement eat me up. I do hope and pray that God will, one day provide us with living children. But seriously? I want Wiley. HE is my child. He is my baby. I want him!!!

“It will get better.” “It will take time.” There are various forms of these two. When someone says these sentences to me, I want to look at them and say, “Really? How do YOU know?” Unless you have lost a child, how do you know it will get better? I know that we will learn to live with our new life and I know one day we will get our smile back, but I don’t want anyone who hasn’t been through this telling me that it will get better.

“It will take some time to get over it.” I don’t believe I will ever ‘get over it.’ I hate those 3 words. Get over it. Would you get over it if your child died? I don’t believe that is ever something parents get over. Wiley is my baby and I’m not going to get over him or what happened. It will forever be etched into my brain and my heart. Hopefully my days will eventually get easier, but I will Never ‘get over it’.